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1997 was the best year ever!

Here’s some good advice I never follow.

Here are 5 rules for life:

  • The secret to communication is remembering that what the other person knows is different than what I know.
  • It’s okay to have issues; everyone has issues.
  • Acceptance does not require understanding.
  • If I see a problem, and the solution for the problem is for other people to change, then I am the problem.
  • I am the company I keep.

Here are 3 rules for Burning Man virgins:

  • At some point, all your friends are going to ditch you. It’s okay.
  • You are going to meet people who look at the world in an entirely different way than you do, and you may never understand them. It’s okay.
  • You have to be able to make your own fun. It won’t happen for you, and it’s okay.
What is having depression like?

What is having depression like?

Depression can seem like being stuck in a hole in the ground.

You’re not really sure when you fell into this hole, or who put this giant hole in the ground, but here you are. The hole is pretty deep and you can just barely see the sky from where you are standing. You try to climb out of the hole, but the sides are steep and slippery and you just fall back down.

“Hey what the hell? Nobody wants to be trapped in a hole! I don’t belong here!” You’re gonna try to escape again. But the more you try, the more tired your arms get. Soon, you don’t have the energy to climb.

At some point a friend comes by and asks, “hey sup how’s it going down there?” You smile and say, “I’m fine.” (Nobody likes a complainer.) Then your friend offers to pull you out. Your friend leans over the side, extends a hand, and you grab it. But your hands are covered in mud so you lose your grip and slip again. The friend says, “hey, maybe you always have some rope with you.”

Gee thanks, that was the best advice ever. Later, another friend comes by and tries to help. But this friend miscalculates the edge of the hole and almost falls into the hole with you. You say, “hey you better not try again, or else I might drag you down with me. Just um, go enjoy the sunshine out there or something.”

After some time, nobody comes by to visit anymore. Either you’ve told them all to go away or they’ve forgotten about you, but you’re not sure. You start to forget what life was like before you fell into this hole. Maybe you've been in this hole forever, or maybe you deserve to be here. You’re stuck in this hole because this is where you belong.

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What can I do?

How can I help someone with depression?

(Especially if this person doesn’t want help?)

You can’t force a person to accept your help, but you can let them know they are not alone. If someone with depression is willing to talk to you, then remember a few things:

  1. Don’t try to fix their problems and avoid giving advice, i.e., “If I were you, I’d…”
  2. Don’t say patronizing crap like, “Everything’s gonna work out,’ or “It’ll get better.”
  3. The goal isn’t to make yourself feel better. You’re not a hero to the rescue. This isn’t about you.
  4. While you should do more listening than talking, don’t let yourself become a verbal punching bag.
  5. You are not their clinical therapist. Don’t diagnose them.

Your goal should be to make sure they are safe.

  1. Ask them what they’ve been eating, and how much sleep they’re getting. Ask them what they are doing tomorrow or the day after. It’s important to hear about concrete plans in the near future.
  2. Ask “How” or “What” questions instead of “Why” questions. For example, “What’s making you feel this way?” is much better than “Why are you sad?”
  3. A depressed person’s sense of reality is distorted. They might say things that aren’t true, e.g., “I can’t do anything right.” But debating facts with them might just cause them to shut down. Instead, you can validate feelings: “It must be overwhelming…”
  4. Finally, if they are alone and you are reasonably sure they will harm themselves, then call emergency services.